


Let Me Let You Go

by nefariouspjm



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Canon Compliant, Heavy Angst, Hurt, M/M, Original Character(s), Sad Ending, drunk eiji, im sad, spoilers in summary, suffer, we're all sad, youre sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 19:25:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17752007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefariouspjm/pseuds/nefariouspjm
Summary: Maybe Ash would never come back to him. Maybe Eiji knew it well. Maybe he thought his lover was in a better place now. Maybe not. Maybe he thought he was selfish to want Ash to keep living in a world that never treated him the way he deserved. Maybe not.Maybe he wanted to let Ash go. Maybe he wanted Ash to let him let go.





	Let Me Let You Go

**Author's Note:**

> hello people. i've been meaning to write something for the banana fish fandom for a while and was also craving some angst. so here's what i churned out. 0.9K of sadness. hope y'all like it. suffer with me. 
> 
> i made yall a [playlist](open.spotify.com/playlist/0HoP8mZnDTqiyLUAMmMPBC?si=2fTj0NlfRU69h5j7-Qr3SA)  
> as well

The mellow crackling of burning wood was the only noise resounding throughout the room when Eiji paused talking to take a sip from his flute.

The drink tasted mediocre with a bad fruity aftertaste but Eiji's plan was to get blitzed tonight, so he couldn't care less. Ash would never let him drink so much. He wondered why he wasn't stopping right now as he stared at the jade eyed boy's smiling face, tracing the curve of his lips with his dazed eyes.

Eiji wouldn’t call himself alcoholic. He’d recently started drinking a lot. He wondered why, but the alcohol in his system rendered him dysfunctional for now and he didn’t want to think about it anyway.

"I know I say it way too often but I can't help it and it never feels enough. You're so beautiful, Ash. I wonder how much time it took God to create a masterpiece like you. Being this gorgeous and this smart should be illegal." Eiji resumed speaking, punctuating his rant with a pout. "Now, now, don't give me that smug-ass face," he pointed his index finger towards the blonde's lopsided smile "You may have a god tier face and a smartass brain but you're still a dickhead." Eiji giggled and laid his head down onto the table.

The feisty winds outside were making the windows shake, abruptly pushing one open. Cold air gushed in, cutting through Eiji's skin like knives. "Ah, not again" the raven-haired boy groaned under his breath as he got up to close it, walking up to the window with a wobbly gait. "It's so cold today, isn't it?"

 He let out a warm sigh that turned into wisps of fog and escaped out into the stormy air outside, dancing and disappearing away as he shut the window.

He walked to the kitchen counter, pulling out a sealed bottle of the same drink he'd been drinking the entire evening "Why are you always so quiet these days, Ash?" Eiji enquired as he as he poured the drink out into his flute, filling it up to the brim and spilling a little, eventually.

He waited for Ash’s reply for a few moments, receiving nothing but deafening silence.

 "It's always this way. I always end up blabbering on my own. It's like you don't even care anymore." He chugged down the content of the flute in an aggressive go, proceeding to fill it up again. It’d been so long since Eiji sat down to have a chat with Ash. The former’s silence sounded very disappointing to the older.

"I'm talking to _you_ , Aslan. Say something." He looked the blonde dead in the eyes, anger bubbling in his intoxicated mind. "Say something, Ash!" Eiji yelled, his chest heaving with frustration. "Talk to me, Ash!” _Why_ are you doing this to me?"

 The drunk boy walked towards the center table with unsteady but brisk and angry steps "Why won’t you talk to me? Say something! You can't keep doing this to me! Let me hear your voice, Ash. I can't keep living like this!"

Eiji was on the verge of breaking down _. We’re finally been back in Japan. I finally have the chance to give you the sort of life you deserve. We can finally be happy. So why wasn’t this working out? Why won’t you talk to me like you used to?_

Eiji’s mind was running wild.

The storm outside rose with a new ferocity, pushing one of the windows open again. The curtains wilding in the feral wind knocked the photo frame off the table.

 Eiji kneeled down with tears pooling in his eyes as his gaze frantically ran over the scattered glass shards. " _Ash_..." he flipped the broken frame over and looked at the picture of the love of his life, still smiling, face as beautiful as ever, and eyes as bright as ever.

Eiji fumed with exasperation, balled his right palm into a fist and brought it down onto the picture. The broken shards sticking to the frame ruthlessly pierced through his skin, splattering blood on the photograph.

Ash’s smile was now dappled with speckles of blood.

" _Speak_ to me, Ash!" He brought his fist down again "Say something!" _Again_. "Stop me from drinking so much!" And _again_. "Let me hear your voice!" He screamed at the lifeless piece of cardboard covered in his blood. His bleeding hand trembled as loud sobs racked his body, turning into helpless cries. Eiji squeezed his eyes shut and gripped his trousers _hard_ with his wounded hands and let his pain consume him.

"How could you do this to me, you bastard?" he sniffled as he picked the frame up and attempted to clean the blood off with his sleeves, leaving Ash’s face rosy, just like it used to become every time Eiji would click a polaroid of him and call him pretty, before bringing it up to his chest enveloping it in his warmth.

"Come back to me," he whispered in the most stable and softest voice he could muster, “ _please_.”

Maybe Ash would never come back to him. Maybe Eiji knew it well. Maybe he thought his lover was in a better place now. Maybe not. Maybe he thought he was selfish to want Ash to keep living in a world that never treated him the way he deserved. Maybe not.

Maybe he wanted to let Ash go. Maybe he wanted Ash to let him let go.

**Author's Note:**

> leave kudos and comment down your feedback 'cause those are the only thing that get me going bitches
> 
> talk to me on  
> [twitter](twitter.com/edgyutlung)  
> [curiouscat](curiouscat.me/dosthoevsky)  
> [instagram](instagram.com/antisocial.avocado)


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